We are called to take some steps and perform some tasks in order to develop. Many of these tasks are connected to our family timeline. Normally they are crucial moments of real transitions, often very complex passages that can bring difficulties, imbalance, sometimes pain and suffering. Normally, these moments are triggered by a specific event, sometimes something so apparently insignificant that we don’t even notice. As it happens in traumas, the trigger is just the sparkle that falls into a powder keg. A first step for an effective approach to our problems is to acknowledge that difficult events or relationships in our life are but a sparkle that starts a fire. The real key to our growth is to acknowledge that we were living on a powder keg. In a very advanced step of awareness, we could even feel gratitude for that person or event that triggered our process of growth, in spite of all the suffering. If we survived and we realised that we had some unsolved business to deal with and we were forced to solve them, we owe some gratitude to that sparkle…
SYSTEMIC COUNSELLING IS THE BEST TOOL
TO GET THROUGH DIFFICULT TRANSITIONS
Moments of transition on a personal and familiar level create tension in the system and inevitably touch all its members, challenging them to find a new asset to grant the general balance and at the same time allowing each individual the possibility to manifest its own life in a creative and original way.
Very often we underestimate the importance of some crucial steps for the family system, thinking that just dramatic and painful events – such as illnesses, accidents, losses, failures – represent a challenge. We don’t understand that any events or decisions that changes the asset of the system bring with themselves the necessity for every member to reset. Even if the event is neutral or happy for someone, it could be really hard for someone else. The trauma is not in the event itself, but in the way we deal with it…or better, we fail to deal with it.
Systemic counselling can be effectively helpful in difficult
transitions connected with challenging developmental tasks.
“When the family has been brought into its natural order, the individual can leave it behind him while still feeling the strength of his family supporting him. Only when the connection to his family is acknowledged, and the person’s responsibility seen clearly and then distributed, can the individual feel unburdened and go about his personal affairs without anything from the past weighing him down or holding him back.”
We all come to this life as elements of many systems – family, culture, country, religion, etc. – and we owe our very existence to a long chain of human beings whose experiences led to our birth. When we have a problem, the system we belong to is affected and the other way round. We can’t heal completely in a disturbed system and we’ll heal quicker if we help the system find its balance. This is the premise to understand why Family Constellations are so powerful and effective.
Our family is the system we have the strongest and the closest bonds with, regardless of the relationship we have with our parents and relatives. Most of the time we reject the bonding because we can’t have a good relationship with someone in our family: this is one of most unhealthy decisions we can take…
This is the first important understanding in Family Constellations:
we can feel in our body the difference between bonding and relationship.
Family Constellations are a spatial representation of our inner perception of our family system. The perception we have is something still affecting us in the present: this is the reason why in Family Constellations we are always working in the here-and-now, even if we are apparently dealing with past stories. The healing of the past can happen only in the present.
In a group work, some participants are chosen to represent our significant ancestors or family members in order to comprehend more about a disturbing issue. Even if they don’t know us and certainly know nothing about our family, these persons will move according to impulses that they can pick up in the field. Unconsciously, they will show us what is moving inside our family system. Thanks to the last decades of researches in many scientific fields, we can explain these movements through the theory of “morphogenetic field”. In any case, if in a Family Constellation we can leave our mental aside, we will experiment the deep and healing impact these movements always have on us, either as clients or representatives, at a physical and emotional level. The field shows us our perception of the dynamics in the system we belong to, it makes them clear and visible in space, in order to acknowledge them, settle them, transform them. And move on. Without awareness and acceptance of who we are and from where we come from, we can’t live our life at its most.
I can’t transform something I refuse to accept.
We are unique individuals and at the same we are part of a system. Biologically, we are animals, but unlike any other living creatures, we can reach high levels of awareness, manifest our creativity to create wonderful masterpieces.
In order to reach the highest of levels, we need to honour our biology, our animal part, that body allowing us the possibility to experience life. It starts by listening to our body needs, respecting them, befriend them: otherwise it’s difficult to evolve creatively as human and spiritual beings.
This is the koan of human experience:
to reconcile what is apparently irreconcilable,
our animal nature with our spiritual part.
The path to find the answer to this koan
is our original, creative, unique journey called life.
In my vision, our family is a metaphor of what is keeping us tied to the past, to our biological nature, to karma, to what has to be honoured and integrated to move on in life. The energy of unfinished business, of unelaborated traumas get stuck in the system we belong to and inherited by subsequent generations, thus limiting their chances to express their unique individuality. Our goal is to find out where that energy is blocked, in order to integrate it through recognition and awareness. This is the doorway to access our talents and gift, to find our unique mission we are called to accomplish in this life, feel the joy in expressing our original creativity.
Decoding the messages of your family tree (genogram)
will bring to light unresolved conflicts in order to help you
get out of their conditioning.
You will be guided to draw your genogram and become aware of what happens in your body meanwhile. This work is about awareness and about your perception of your family dynamics. You will find where life force got stuck in the system and be able to free that energy through completing the unfinished processes. You will work in the present to read the past with new, more mature and more compassionate eyes. The process of freeing all this stuck energy is really healing. Through the metaphor of the family tree we are going to explore which energies, which unresolved experiences, but also which talents and gifts are in our field of possibilities, so that we can use every element consciously for our personal growth. Our life becomes a choice.
Our family tree can be seen as a metaphor of our inner experience:
as a mirror, it helps us know what to look at, to be able to decide consciously
what to do with the tools we were gifted with in life.